


Where Harry was raised by Witchers, and so isn’t normal by wizard standards, but it still shocks everyone ! [Traduction]

by Eatares8



Series: Short Stories in English [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Hogwarts House Sorting, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, I don't really know what kind of story i'm writing here, Mentions of discrimination against Witchers, Neither do I like the Ministry, Same for the characters, The Sorting Hat, a bit of humor too, i don't like it, maybe tags updates later, the relationships are mentionned but not developped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25052602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eatares8/pseuds/Eatares8
Summary: Harry was raised by Witchers.His Sorting is affected. A bit.- This is a traduction of my own work, which I had written in French first. Hope you enjoy !Maybe some mistakes in the traduction, sorry for that. I reread from time to time in order to chase them.
Relationships: Harry & Geralt, Harry & Lambert, Harry & Witchers
Series: Short Stories in English [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814401
Comments: 3
Kudos: 77





	1. A very, very short prologue

To whom we ask, the answer to the question «  _ In which house will Harry Potter go at Hogwarts ?  _ » was always and without exception Gryffindor.

But that was before.

Little Harry had never been kind. Little Harry had never been punished by the Dursleys, and had never been noticed for any strange event happening with him around.

None of that because in reality, he had never encountered, even once, this abominable family composed of two whales and an hysterical giraffe (or at least he was very tempted to call them like that,  given the descriptions that his foster father had made of them after some investigations about the circumstances of his unexpected child discovery).

Someone was passing by, the night where an old bearded man siphoned from the brain deposed Harry’s cradle at the doorstep of the 4th Privet Drive.

Early winter.

A person, a dangerous creature (in a lot of sorcerer’s opinion who, surprisingly, all belong to the Ministry)  picked up the baby on this cold evening.

Golden eyes melting without a real resistance in front of the shining green orbs of the toddler. And then, suddenly :

«  _ Fuck ! ... _ »

It was not wrong.

The baby smelled. Strongly.

And he might also traumatize a few people in a not-so-distant future.

So «  _ Fuck  _ » was a perfectly justified exclamation according to Lambert. Opinion shared by most of the remaining Witchers, Geralt being the most enthusiatic user of the word, if he can be enthusiatic and therefore emotional in front of anyone but his conscience.


	2. A lot of thinking, before Sorting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best to translate my story, but there may be some mistakes in the turns of sentences.  
> Third chapted will normally be posted tomorrow.

_Poor Hogwarts, Ministry and Magical world, you’ll be disappointed … -_ thought hard enough Harry while having laboriously climbed in unstable boats, the first years arrived in sight of a magnificent castle, seeming straight out of a fairy tale full of magic.

And very cliché too.

The structure stood out clearly in the dark night, despite the fog at its base.

Numerous lights, simple lanters or floating balls making it a lot more mysterious, attracting the curiosity of the new students.

Harry was not impressed. Not at all. In his opinion, Kaer Morhen was a much bigger, impressive and ancient place,  breathing the magic a lot more than this recycled medieval muggle castle that he was seeing at this moment. 

Seriously, the Founders could have done better than just that …

His opinion didn’t change when he got a better view of the insides and remarqued the kind of cloting worn by the teachers.

Ah ! So the robes weren’t made only to keep a semblance of union between the students by wearing the same clothes. It was just local fashion ?

The thing was horribly embarrassing for the young boy who imagined the mocking air his foster father would throw at him  when he would hear about this.

Him, wearing robes because it was the rule ? Laughable.

_ Even us Witchers, have a lot more taste than that despite our reputation and the recurring trend of some to only admit black as a valid clothing color  _ – mumbled absentmindedly Harry during the speech of the woman having presented herself as Metamorphosis teacher. No one noticed it. No one noticed – except Harry – that she quoted House Slytherin in last position.

Always reflective, Harry didn’t registered the fact that he automatically followed the rest of the first year group when they were finally allowed to enter in the Great Hall. He did not marvel at the magic ceiling,  he did not squeaked at the arrival of the ghosts (he had learned to spot them long ago), and he did not hear nor see several young being called and leaving towards a miteous stool. 

He was only thinking for the umpteenth time that this place did not carry any interest considering the training he received from his family. Moreover, he had already traveled with them, and encountered a lot more creature than nearly everyone in this room. But the main reason was mostly that many sorcerers were still, always, and relatively surely forever contemptuous of what were his adoptive family members.  Harry, wanting to be a Witcher himself in a few years, would have to suffer a lot of stupid racists at various degree s if he stayed at Hogwarts. Joy.

Fortunately, his father had well educated him, and so now, Harry had a full libary of insults and sarcasms, ready to be thrown at the faces of verbal attackers. Geralt, once again, had shown exceptional good will and had therefore participated well in this part of his education.

No need to talk about those who would try to harm him physically.

And suddenly :

« _HARRY POTTER !_ »


	3. A Sorting coming from a galaxy far, far away ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is the Sorting ! Always sorry for mistakes. I will maybe try to translate some of my other works in french if this one goes well enough.  
> Hope you enjoy this third chapter ;)

\- « _WHAT ? How can you know Rowena, kid ?_ » mumbled, or shrieked (he did not know) the Sorting Hat at the second it touched his head.

\- « _What is this pitiful intrduction ? Haven’t you any manners, Holey Thing ? My name is Harry, occasionaly ‘Ry or Sassry by my father and family, Little brat for the other people encountered during the journey. And you, what’s your name ? Here, this is politeness, but you’re an object, you can’t understand !_ ».

\- « _From what I see in your small head for the moment, you’re not the best placed to talk about curtesy and all, microbe. Rowena I said ?_ » replied the old hat unused for ages, while exploring more deeply the mind of his interlocutor, even sending him pictured thoughts representing an impressive woman, dark-clothed, with purple eyes …

\- « _Oh shit ! I would never have believed that Gramps ‘Semir was serious the day he told me that siecles ago, Yennefer have had the vocation – the fad – to educate the magical youth. As I know her, she may be very intelligent and well-known for that under her alias Rowena, but she certainly isn’t teacher material … You nearly shocked me, Old Stuff_ » answered Harry, impassive to the eyes of the rest of the room who started in passing to wonder how much time it would take for the sorting to happen. They began to be hungry too.

Indeed, several minutes had passed which was already more than average during the Repartition. But nobody was really worried for the moment. It was their Saviour after all, it was normal that the Sorting Hat was unable to choose between his obviously numerous qualities. Everyone (or almost), however, was still sure that Harry would end up in Gryffindor. Pathetic.

\- « __ _ Impertinent, but you are cunning and you know a founder … Three houses where I can place you. Even Hufflepuff could welcome you since you seem to want to stay stuck to your family like a mussel to its rock. What am I supposed to do, me, now ?  _ »

\- «  _ And if I don’t even want to study here ? I wonder what you would be able to do with that ... _ »

\- « _ Eeeh, I coul- … What do you mean by don’t studying here ? Are you having a blast, kid ? It’s me who will get slaps on the edges by an old zesty if you don’t stay in the immediate area !  _ »

\- «  _ Sorcerers are backwards morons who would hate learning that I’m the exact opposite of the fuckin’ saviour they imagined in their fuckin’ foolish dreams of princesses and servant knights. I am clearly no potatoe of whom they can make what they want. I do not want to wear robes on a dayly basis either. Those things are insults to fashion, I’m pretty sure of it. Moreover, I have nothing to learn of this place, my father taught me everything I need to know ! I will stab the limbs of anyone who would push me too far. That’s a valid excuse, isn’t it ? If I don’t study here, you will not be responsible for having sorted  _ _ a student bearer of murderous cravings ! So you’re not going to place me anywhere, Hideous patched relic !  _ »

Five more minutes of waiting for the public, who still did not heard anything of this fascinating conversation. Some people were finally starting to wonder while the debate inside Harry’s head continued. But the Sorting Hat …

\-  _ GRYFF- _ …

\-  _ No ! Don’t even try to finish this word or else, you will not have the time to say ‘kikimora’ before I hole you even more than you already are, grated filth !  _ y elled Harry,  regardless of the ears present in the Great Hall _. _

Shock.

Stupor.

Silence.

Rainbow dementors passed. Followed by giant-thestral hybrids disguised as watermelons.

Finally, at the end of the passage of a whole magical zoo, the oldery resumed :

\-  _ Blackmailing before, threatening now ! Definitely a real SLYTHERIN !  _ he ended up shouting, shocking deeply most of the people around, their tongues still in stand-by.

Harry sneered, a grin on the lips when he advised the forest of heads turned at one hundred eighty degrees towards him. 

\-  _ That’s good, Uncle Letho will be proud of me and the others will go mad ! They deserve it after last week’s hunting party ... _

Silence fell again upon the room, only broken by whispers coming from everywhere, and asking things like «  _ What the hell happened ? _ », «  _ Wasn’t he supposed to be a Gryffindor ? _ », «  _ Letho ? The others ? Who are those ?  _ » ...

_ Oh well ! Once upon a time, an old crazy drugged with lemon. Having abused of his favorite herb,  the elder took the boy whose parents had just passed the weapon to the left. The huluberlu in colored robes deposed his package at a doorstep, where garbages and bird-shit could touch the toddler. Luckily for me, sadly for you, a bored Witcher was taking a walk nearby, and he took the baby. The baby was raised by caring, intelligent people, who taught him a lot of things. Among them : swearing better than a sailor, hurting badly dangerous creatures and various embarassers, being wary of weird long-bearded old men and a whole bunch of other abilities useful to master. _

_ The kid reached eleven years old,  and recieved a rather shady letter from the opinion of the majority. He realized that it came from someone related to the old man having left him to froze in the cold years ago, blah, blah blah … _

_ And now, I’m here. The first to piss me off will not survive, neither will the second. And I assume that after, everyone will have learned their lesson. And the boy will butcher evil creatures and annoy his family hapily ever after. End of the story. Did you enjoyed it ?  _ ironized Harry, terribly proud of himself.

Faintings, squeaks of fear at the mention of Witchers, outraged whispers at the baby delivery conditions followed, but no one dared to speak  as the little devil went to sit at the table which had been designated to him.

Hogwart’s residents shivered, thinking of the years having yet to come. They were going to suffer. Especially during the parent-teacher meetings.

**_ ~The End~ _ **


End file.
